Tochts fae Tushie Truncherfaece
Trowie time flees an aa
Boy, doesn human time flee? Yon’s anidder year ower wi. I canna tink yon’s twa year A’m been sharin my tochts wi you. Mebbe even langer in trowie time.
An whit a lok has geen on in 2008. You’re gotten tae ken me an Meenie’s fower bairns braaly weel. Wir aaldest, Muttontief, has done wis prood agaen. Whit a fine piece o flesh he cem hame wi for Newerdy. Uggledlugs helpit him tae lug hit ower da hill. Snurtyleeves an Gutteryaggle wir fairly filskit when dey saa whit dey hed.
Wir bairns ir ey aaber. Mind when dey geed on aboot wis reducin wir carbon claa prints? Dey hed dir eye on da Eco-Trow Enviro-Howe trophy an reckoned we wid need tae change wir wye o life. But wi wis castin wir ain paets, burnin a tilly lamp an aetin local maet dere is little need. Tak wir tay danicht. Local fysh an tatties. Hom growen wi nixt tae nae food miles an nae packaging tae bal awa. An wir puddin? Gingerbread baked by Meenie washed doon wi a grain o tay. Nae swillin in cans o fizzy juice for wis or aetin a frozen puddin oot o a box. An wir tay bags ir used for compost. Dere’s nae debate, da wye o life o a trow is environmentally freendly.
A’m shared wi you anidder wye we care aboot wir envionment. At voar yowes depend on trows. Wir kept trang helping da yowes when dey ir lambin. Wi da wye time is fleein hit’ll be lambin time agaen afore we ken hit. Da ram has been slippit on wir hill an I hed a yarn wi him dastreen. He’s looking forward tae voar when he’ll be a prood faider agaen.
2008 saa an end tae wir paece on da hills. Da risin price o fuel sent humans back ontae da paet hill. Muttontief an me hed wir wark cut oot pittin richt an afo skew-wheef paet bank. An tae tink fokk caa wis trows ill-trickit? Whit a cheek.
Fae a journalist’s point o view, da highlicht o my year wis reportin on da Trowie Cup final. Aabody wis cheerin on Guid Fokk F.C. but naethin wis gaein dir wye as dey played da sleekit Kunal Trows. Whit a hooro da crood held as da Guid Fokk scored no wan, but twa goals in da hidmist meenits. I couldna help smeeg when dat second een wis wappit in da goal posts an dey haaled aff dir gansies an baaled dem abune dir heids.
Of coorse, in da summer monts da gleer o sunlight keeps wis trows undergroond. But I did git oot an aboot tanks tae a splendid suit I bowt. Hit wis Uggledlugs dat shaaed me him on da website newfangledtrow.com. A Johnsmas suit is a sheeny silver suit dat covers a trow’s body fae heid tae fit. Hit has a UV protection factor o 300 so a trow can geng oot ony time, even in da brichtest o sunlight. I hed a splendid Johnsmas Foy.
In November I introduced you tae wir guid freend, Birsie da hedgehog. Whit an onkerry we hed rescuing him fae hibernatin in da hertholl o a bonfire. We ended up axin him intae wir howe for da winter. He’s been asoond at wir fire for twa mont noo. He did reestle a grain at Newerdy. As we saa da bells in Gutteryaggle gied furt tae fin him twartree sclaters an forkitails tae showe. He didna say a wird, gied a gant den fell asoond agaen.
“I hoop Birsie wunna be yon raamished for da rest o 2009,” said Gutteryaggle.
“Gie him anidder twa mont an he’ll be in as much o an aet as da rest o wis tae enjoy 2009!” I telt her den gied her a Newerdy smoorikin.
Happy Newerdy tae you aa,
Tushie Truncherfaece x
