Tochts fae Tushie Truncherfaece

Sky high fuel prices maks trows lie low

Wid you believe dat da increases in da price o fuel is even budderin trows? An we dunna even buy ony! But noo da paet is back in demand an fokk ir maakin for da paet hill.

Dere’s a paet bank twartree strides alang fae wir howe. Hit’s niver been cast in lang. But noo wir paece has come tae an end. A human faimily hiv hocked oot dir grandfaider’s tushkar an plan tae haet dir hoose wi paets dis winter. Wi electricity mebbe tae geng up bi 40 per cent, I canna blame dem.

Naethin can baet da waft o a paet fire. Wis trows hiv used naethin idder. Da budder is we hae tae lie undergroond an listen tae dis fokk traipsing trowe da hill. We hear da skirls o dir bairns, dir gaffs an, of coorse, aa dir pleeps an girns.

Hit aa started back in April wi da castin. Whit an onkerry dey held! Dey hed da richt tools, a ripper an a tushkar, but dey wirna wint wi dem. First dey flet ower how tae rip open da tap o da paet bank. Den hit wis ower hoo tae flae. Dat’s when da girsey turves ir taen awa tae git tae da lower oilier paet.

“Granda hed a name for dis coorse tap paet,” I could hear wan o dem say. “But I canna mind whit it wis . . .” I hed tae birse my mooth shut. “Skyumpie!” I wanted tae roar tae dem fae undergroond.

Wance dey got ontae castin dey wir a bit mair lichtsome. Een o dem hed used a tushkar when he wis a boy, so he kept da idders richt. Eence cast, dey set aboot biggin a waa or daek so da paets dried oot. Eftir twartree picnics, plenty o yarns an a lok o herd wark dey hed dem aa biggit up. Wance hit wis quiet an we kent dey wir awa, we geed oot for a skoit at dir handiwark.

“Does du tink dey hae much vynd, Da?” axed Snurtysleeves studying da paets.

“Weel, dey’ve cast dem aaricht, but dis daek is braaly skave,” I said layin a claa on hit tae see if hit wid withstand a grain o wind.

So we glowered at da skave daek day in an day oot for twa mont. Thankfully da mont a May wis a dry een. Dere wis plenty o sook tae dry da paets. When I heard da yap o dem back in June, I wis blyde tae tink da skave daek wid be awa. Dey did dir raisin in nae time ava. An da sheeks o dem niver aesed. We heard aa aboot da Johnsmas Foy, whaar dey wir holidayin at an when Tesco wis gaein tae open.

Snurtysleeves lay afore da fire listenin tae dem. “Da, wi aa yon sheeksin gaein on, does du tink dey ir working ony sense raisin yon paets?” he axed.

“We’ll tak a skoit in da darkenin danicht,” I reassured him.

We hed wis a wait for da sun tae geng doon. Hit wis datn a fine nicht, but da sam couldna be said for da raisin dat hed been done.

“Da, yon’s joost a steer o paets,” said Snurtysleeves shaakin his head.

“Du’s fairly richt, boy,” I agreed. “I doot we’ll hae tae pit yon richt.”

So we set tae an raised da paets da richt wye. Mony o dem wirna even raised aff da grund. We set dem on dir ends in groups o tree. An we med sure dey widna rumble ower. Hit wis herd wark for da twa o wis. Trow paets ir cut trow size, but dis eens wir da lent o wirsels. We varged at aa nicht, den we oaged back tae wir howe joost afore sunrise.

Afore we geed back undergroond, Snurtysleeves glanced ower his shooder tae tak a last look at da neat rows o raisins. “Far better laek as da rumble dey left,” he smeeged.

Hit wis twartree days afore da humans wir back. Een o dem wis spaekin aboot hoo much he laekit comin tae da paet hill. “Hit’s been dat fine I joost hed tae waander up ower tae hae a look at wir handiwark,” he said proodly. “An seein dis for da second time, wir done a better job as I first tocht.”

Snurtysleeves gied a grunt fae his boxbed. “Hit’s aa richt for him tae waander ower da hills, he doesna hae spaegie laek wis!” he said gaein his hochs a rub.
A’m awa tae git sookit in da bathtub,

Tushie Truncherfaece x